


Art & Science

by Blindvogel, seimaisin



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Blind Date, Dick Jokes, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Meet-Cute, Modern Art
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-01-09
Packaged: 2018-09-16 01:39:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9268073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blindvogel/pseuds/Blindvogel, https://archiveofourown.org/users/seimaisin/pseuds/seimaisin
Summary: Percy and Vex's blind date at the art museum leads to a Very Serious science experiment back at Percy's apartment.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [blackglass](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackglass/gifts).



> Written as a birthday present for the lovely Blackglass :) We hope you enjoy.

Percy checks his phone for the umpteenth time. The tiny numbers say that it’s 15:27 and he’s still early for his date with - Vex? He sincerely hopes he has her name right. Since Keyleth called and talked him into having this blind date he’s been worrying. About a lot. About almost everything. He hasn’t been on a date in forever, really, he has no idea with what kind of person Keyleth has set him up, and with every passing second he second-guesses his choice of taking his date to the art gallery. Not to mention that he has no clue what he should say, if he is overdressed and if they are actually going to recognize each other despite the fact that he’s wearing the Slytherin scarf as he promised. 

So, to sum things up, Percy is in a complete state of panic.

His phone reads 15:29 when he feels a light tap on his shoulder. “Are you Percy?” 

He turns around and … shit. She’s  _ gorgeous.  _ Dark hair and blue eyes and long legs under a form-fitting blue sweater dress - and he needs to speak, doesn’t he? “Yes,” he says, holding out his hand. “I’m Percy. You must be Vex?”

“Got it in one.” She smiles at him. “It’s nice to meet you, Keyleth has told me so much about you.”

“I’m not entirely sure I shouldn’t deny everything right now,” is Percy’s automatic response, but luckily, it just makes Vex laugh. He reaches for the coat she has slung over her arm. “Let me take that to the coat check, and then we can go inside.” 

When he returns, she’s waiting for him next to the lobby sculpture - or, what he assumes is supposed to be a sculpture, given that it’s only three column-like rectangles in a concrete gray color. Vex is reading the title plaque, which turns out to simply say  _ Despair.  _ He and Vex look at each other, and after a moment, Percy offers his arm. “Shall we?”

“Yes, let’s,” Vex replies and with an amused smile takes his offered arm. Okay, he hasn’t messed it up yet, so good so far. He leads the way into the museum proper and steers them in the indicated direction for the exhibit entrance. 

“So, how do you know Keyleth?” Percy asks because he’s not sure what to say and it’s the first thing that comes into his mind.

“We work together in the animal shelter on the weekends. I think she’s been trying to set us up for the last two months or so.” When Percy looks down at her face; she’s smiling with a little mischievous glint in her eyes. Their first stop is in front of a strange sculpture, a collection of metal tubes welded together into an unrecognizable shape. “I know this plaque reads  _ Transformation _ , but to me it looks more like two giraffes playing Twister.” 

Percy blinks and stares at the sculpture for a moment and then has to laugh. “Okay, yeah, I see it too.” Now that she said it, it’s all that he sees and soon they are both giggling. They have to move on when the old lady across from them stares daggers in their direction.

“Come on, before we’re bludgeoned to death with an old-lady’s purse,” Vex chuckles as she pulls him away, towards the next piece in the exhibit.

They manage a bit more conversation as they circle the room; Percy talks about going to school with Keyleth, Vex tells him about her twin brother and how he’s recently found religion. “Not in an obnoxious way, much as I tease him about it,” she says. “I’m not really into it for myself, but he’s a lot happier now than he used to be, so I’m happy.”

“That’s good, that both of you are happy.” Which sounds a bit lame to Percy’s ears, but it’s the only thing he can think of to say. She’s still holding onto his arm, which is incredibly pleasant, and he’s trying very hard not to notice that his height gives him the perfect angle to ogle her (very attractive) cleavage. So he looks over at the next exhibit, which is a painting with what looks like a lot of haphazard pastel paint colors tossed together on a canvas. The artist has helpfully called this one  _ #17 _ . Vex leans up on her toes and puts her lips close to his ear. “It looks like Easter threw up all over,” Percy immediately starts coughing, to cover both his laughter and the shudder he gets from her hot breath on his skin. 

They move on, to a metal piece that makes Percy itch. “I know a bit about metal work,” he grumbles under his breath, “and this is shit. It’s like someone made a mistake in an introductory class and decided to pretend it was deliberate.”

Vex look at the title and raises an eyebrow. “It’s called  _ Still Life With Flowers. _ ” They both look at the twisted lump of metal before them. Percy has no words, but eventually Vex has to drag him away to look at the next piece. 

“What do you do with metal?” she asks as they walk.

“Not much anymore,” he admits. “For a couple of summers in college, I worked with a blacksmith at the local Renaissance Festival, and that was really fascinating. I almost wish you could make a living at that sort of thing these days.” 

“Seriously? I used to help out on the archery stand at our Ren faire while I had the time.” Percy looks at her brightly smiling face, surprised. That’s not something he had expected from her. But then again, they have just met and he has no ground to assume anything. In any case, he’s pleasantly surprised that this is something they have in common, and feels much less awkward for admitting to his nerdy hobby to begin with. 

Their next stop is an armchair. That’s at least the general shape of it.  _ Accumulation No.1 _ reads the plaque, and Percy has to bite on his lower lip to not say what comes to his mind in that instant. He really likes Vex and doesn’t want her to get the wrong idea about him. 

“Okay, no, sorry, but calling that thing Accumulation really takes the cake. That’s a dick move,” Vex leans into Percy as she says it, keeping her voice low so as not to be heard by the other visitors. But that only makes matters worse. Someone should declare her voice pitched in that lower register illegal. It leads to rather inappropriate pictures in his head and he coughs again, to hide his embarrassment and the spreading grin. 

Looking over at the … protrusions coming from every inch of the chair doesn’t help his composure. “Give the artist some credit,” he finally says quietly, schooling his face into an impassive expression. “I imagine that getting all of those … um, objects to stay erect was rather, well, hard.”

As he watches, she bites her lip hard enough to turn part of the skin white. “One wonders what the artist is compensating for.”

“I don’t think there’s anything mysterious about that,” Percy says dryly. 

“The poor dear,” Vex says, syrupy sweet. “Brave of him to expose his inadequacies like this.”

They’re starting to get looks, and Percy’s only barely holding it together, so he drags her off to the side, to a small area between the exhibit and the restrooms. They only need to look at each other before they burst into uncontrollable laughter. They’re still close enough to the crowd that they have to contain themselves a bit, so Percy just leans against the wall and puts his fist in his mouth, shaking with mirth, while Vex leans against him and grabs a handful of his shirt as she ducks her head. When he’s finally able to speak again, Percy says, “Okay, so perhaps the modern art museum wasn’t the best choice for our first date.”

“Are you kidding? This is the best first date I’ve ever been on.” Vex straightens up; her face is flushed, her bottom lip swollen from being caught between her teeth. And suddenly, all rational thoughts leave Percy’s brain.”I like a man who appreciates a good dick joke.”

“Were any of those actually  _ good  _ dick jokes?” he wonders.

“Well, okay. Good is subjective. The point stands.” The grin she gives him is pure mischief. “Good looking, good sense of humor, gentlemanly without being weird about it … I’m wondering where the catch is with you. What about it, do you have anything to compensate for, Percy?”

Percy nearly swallows his own tongue. “Um. I don’t think so?” Then he recovers enough to give her a small grin. “I haven’t had any complaints, anyway.”

One of Vex’s eyebrows wanders up and a wicked glint has taken permanent residence in her eyes. Percy finds it impossible to look away. “Really? That’s good to know. But don’t take it personally if I don’t take your word for it.”

He’s blushing now, certainly he must. He feels rather warm under her discerning gaze and it takes him a moment to reply. “What else would you propose then?”

“An experiment. To prove or dispute the hypothesis. For science, of course.” Vex laughs and winks at him. If anyone would have cared to ask him later, that was the exact moment Percy was utterly and irrevocably lost. 

“For science,” he echoes her and somehow manages to find his stride again. “Then how do you want to do this?”

“In an experiment you usually start with a test sample,” Vex deadpans, as if it is just the most natural thing in the world to stand in this corridor with him and have this conversation. He realizes, almost belatedly, that it doesn’t feel out of place for him either. And that’s really how far his mind gets, since the next thing he knows is her hand on the nape of his neck and her lips pressed to his. 

She tastes of honey and mint, sweet and vivid, and the second his surprise has worn off he is already addicted. It takes only a few moments for his tongue to dart out of his mouth; her lips part for him without any resistance. He knows nothing but the heat of her tongue, the press of her body against his …

Someone clears his throat. Perhaps not for the first time, judging by the look on the man’s face when Percy finally opens his eyes and sees him standing near them. “I don’t think this is the time or place,” the man says, eyeing them.

Vex opens her eyes and turns her head to look at him. “You’re right,” she says, voice silky smooth, “it’s really not. Excuse us.” And with that, she tugs Percy to follow along behind her, towards the museum entrance.

He follows, bemused. “So,” he says, as they walk through the lobby, “how was the test sample?”

“Good enough that I think we need further study.” She stops suddenly and turns to him. For a brief moment, he sees a flash of uncertainty in her eyes - a vulnerability that is immediately replaced by the wicked glint he saw before. “You want to find someplace more private for more experimentation?”

“Only if you do,” he says. He brings a hand up to her cheek, cups it gently. “I mean, yes, I very much want whatever experiments you’ll allow. But only if that’s what you really want.”

The smile she gives him is brilliant, and entirely genuine. “I do. I really do. This isn’t how I usually handle first dates, but … you’re something, Percy.”

“Likewise.” He feels a grin spread across his face. “Let me get our coats, and we can grab a taxi. I don’t live far from here, if that’s okay?”

“Sounds perfect.” 

It only takes a few minutes for him to return with their coats, and they speak a bit more about their respective interests while they wait for the taxi and during the drive to his home. And while this conversation is entirely innocent, though it turns very excited the moment Percy realizes just how much of a sci-fi fan Vex is, the looks they share are far from it. Somewhere around the stop at the second red light his hand finds hers and their fingers twine between them. 

Percy pays the driver when they arrive and leads Vex up to his apartment. His nerves from earlier have caught up with him again, though not quite to the same degree - something about Vex’s fingers slipping between his as they climb the stairs seems to make all the difference. 

After he opens the door and they divest themselves of coats and shoes there is a small moment where they simply look at each other, with wonder and anticipation and finally desire shining behind Vex’s eyes. Percy takes this as his queue to open his arms for her and she steps inside them without hesitation. This time when her mouth finds his and her lips part for him there is no one to interrupt them, and Percy loses himself in the warmth of her body pressing against his and the hot slide of her tongue. 

“Mmhm, yes. Still good,” Vex murmurs softly when they come up for air. Percy has to agree. 

“Maybe move somewhere more comfortable than the doorway?” Percy pulls her along, keeping his arms around her waist, until the backs of his legs hit the couch. Vex catches on, grinning, and shoves him lightly to sit down. Then, she hikes up her fitted skirt, displaying thigh-high stockings (which are very definitely a Thing for Percy, especially on such amazing legs), and straddles his lap. “So,” she says, “while the kissing is very, very nice -” She punctuates this with a short, teasing kiss, pulling away just as Percy begins to chase more - “the actual experiment was about whether you have anything to compensate for … physically.” Her gaze trails down his body, and Percy’s cock twitches. “An initial visual inspection seems to indicate that you might be correct, but I think this calls for some hands-on experience. If you don’t mind?”

Percy blinks - blood is definitely rushing out of his brain, further south at the idea of Vex taking a hands-on approach with his cock, so it takes a moment to form a reply. “By all means. I would never stand in the way of a proper scientific experiment.”

Her grin is pure wickedness as she reaches down between them to work on the opening for his trousers. The moment her fingers brush against him, even through two layers of fabric, Percy lets out a soft moan. The noise seems to delight her, and she stops her progress to cup him with one hand and squeeze lightly. “Feels perfectly adequate,” she says, winking at him. “Let’s take a closer look.”

With dexterous fingers, she makes short work of his buttons, and tugs down the waistband of the underwear beneath. He wriggles his hips just a bit to make it easier, and - oh,  _ there.  _ Her hand wraps around his cock and pulls it free of his clothing. “Oh, fucking hell,” he groans as her fingers circle him.

“Hmmmm,” Vex hums, smiling. Then she lets him go - he’s disappointed for a split second, until she brings her hand to her mouth and licks her palm, before bringing it back down and encircling him again. Now, with added lubrication, she starts to pump her hand ever so slowly. “I don’t have any official measurements,” she says, “but this definitely feels like a good size to me. I don’t think you’ll have to make any crazy dick art to compensate for anything.”

Percy’s head falls back onto the back of the couch. “Told you so.  _ Fuck,  _ Vex, that feels so good.”

Through the haze that starts to build inside him with every stroke of her hand, Percy hears Vex laugh softly. “I aim to please,” she says with delight in her voice, and then adds, “Would you like to know what’s the second part of this scientific inquiry?” 

Percy tilts his head to be able to look at her and says as drily as he can manage between steadying breaths, “Please, enlighten me.”

“Well, now that we have established that there is no need for you to compensate, there is still the matter of opinion regarding the proper use of the article. And your claim that there were no complaints so far.” 

It takes him a second to comprehend what she is talking about since most of his blood has now migrated south, leaving his mind slow to respond. But when he does, he smiles and puts his hands on her hips to underscore his words. “Then let me convince you of the truth of that claim.”

Vex leans forward and kisses him enthusiastically after those words. Percy is half-distracted by her lips and her hand still working his cock that he notices a little later that her hips have risen from his lap. Then her hand stills and Percy can’t quite suppress the disappointed whine that he makes - until he feels her align him with her core and slowly sink down. She’s so hot and wet, surrounding him, that he has to restrain himself from bucking up or pulling her down until she is fully settled. They both moan and Vex releases his lips to murmur, “Perfect fit, should have known.”

“Gods, you’re so wet.” It’s a marvel to him - that she’s so ready for him, and he hasn’t even touched her, not really. To rectify that problem, he reaches between them; her panties are still there, shoved aside to allow him access, so he pulls the front aside a little more so he can rub her clit gently. Vex lets out the most satisfying moan and thrusts forward into his hand, her walls fluttering a bit around him. “So good,” he says, nipping at her bottom lip. “So, so good.”

“What can I say,” she says, voice low and husky, “I do like a good dick joke. And a good dick. And yours is very good.” Then she laughs. “But you still need to prove you know how to use it.”

“Oh yeah?” He withdraws his hand from her heat, prompting a small, sexy whine to come from Vex. He holds her hips firmly, lets his own hips sink as far down into the soft couch cushion as possible, then thrusts upward. He sets a slow, exploratory rhythm, which she complements by rising on her knees and meeting each thrust with one of her own. It feels - well, it feels better than Percy can ever remember anything else feeling. “How’s that?” he asks, watching her face as she moves.

Her eyes are closed, her face contorted in an expression of bliss. She cracks her eyes open just enough to look at him through thick lashes. “Very promising.” She leans forward just a bit, and suddenly giggles. “Oh, yes. Right there. That’s it.” She leans her forehead against his as they move. “Keep hitting me right there, and you’ll prove the theory beyond a shadow of a doubt.”

“Well then. As the lady commands.” And with that, he picks up the pace, making sure to keep her held steady at the angle she seems to like the most.

She makes tiny devastatingly sexy sounds as they take to the new rhythm and her hands hold on tight to his shoulders, just as his dig into her hips.  _ Fuck _ , does this feel good, he never wants it to end. But soon, his body is of a different opinion - and so is Vex’s. 

“Oh shit Percy, that’s it, oh god that’s it…,” Vex moans and he feels her clench around him, drawing a groan from the depths of his throat. Her whole body trembles as she comes and he has to hold on tighter to her as he thrusts a couple more times to find his own release. 

She sinks boneless into his arms and he wraps them around her body while they both come down. Percy can feel her heartbeat against his chest slowing to a normal pace, his own mirroring hers. 

After a few minutes like that, he feels her start to shake in his arms. When she raises her head, she’s giggling. “So yeah,” she says, “guess I didn’t need to be so nervous about this whole blind date thing, huh?”

“You too?” Percy chuckles. “You didn’t show it.”

“I’m good at pretending.” She kisses his cheek. “So, what would you say about another one?”

“Another date, or another round?” He raises his eyebrows.

“Well … both.”

“Another round, give me a bit of time, and absolutely. Though,” he says, running a finger over the neckline of her dress, “I’d like the next one to end with a little less clothing.”

“That can definitely be arranged.” She demonstrates by grabbing a handful of her dress and hauling it over her head, leaving her wearing wickedly sexy black lace underthings. But then she sits back on his knees, giving him a long look. “What about another date?” 

She sounds … uncertain? That won’t do at all. Percy leans forward and kisses her gently. “Somewhere without a dick chair next time, I think.”  


Vex throws her head back and laughs. “I don’t know, it was pretty inspiring. I think I’m rather fond of the dick chair. But maybe we can just try dinner next time.” As she kisses him again, slow and sweet and full of the promise of more heat, Percy thinks that any date with Vex will probably be an adventure. And, well, his life needs a little adventure, doesn’t it?


End file.
